Assuming we have the desire for greater control, believe we have the right to have control, and believe we have the ability to make the changes, what else do we need to know to gain control? We need to have the skills, or tools to put into practice that which will achieve our goal. To set our goal, we first need to know what we want to change, which control mode is appropriate, and how we will measure our goal.

What is it we wish to gain greater control of? Let’s say we feel out of control in using trading software and hardware and want to feel more competent. Beginners will, without exception, feel overwhelmed and out of control when they first encounter Level II data. Between real-time tick charts, various interval S&P futures graphs, time and sales data rapidly scrolling down the screen, a real-time portfolio tracker, and two or more Level II boxes with various colors being “eaten up” so fast you can barely discern what’s happening, the common initial reaction is to sit dumb-founded at what is flickering across the screen!

So how will we tackle this? We decide that there is just one way to go: the positive assertive mode. Specifically, we decide we will gain greater control by watching and learning the software in mock trading for five hours. If we can’t do mock trading, we will sit through at least one or more complete market session watching the indices and gaining an understanding of what the numbers mean. We also determine that we will seek assistance in interpreting the data from someone who knows the software and can explain the intricacies of its use.

The goal of knowing the software will be met when we are able to use it in real-time trading without hitting any wrong keys, which is objective and measurable.

We also decide that a second condition of reaching the goal is a loss of feeling overwhelmed and a growing comfort and familiarity, such that the software begins to feel like an aid, rather than a burden. This is a subjective judgment but one which can be reasonably determined as to whether we have met it. This is an example of an area in which the assertive mode of taking control by doing is appropriate to meet the goal.

Here is a second positive, assertive mode example. Let’s say Janice, 44, an active trader at home for about a year, comes in and tells me she has developed a case of “trader’s block.” Although normally not an issue, suddenly she finds that pulling the trigger to enter a trade becomes problematic, fraught with fear and anxiety. She knows what she wants to trade and the price she want to trade it at. But when she goes to enter the trade, she shies away and can’t seem to muster the courage to execute. She feels out of control.

We decide that in order to figure out what the block is about we will review how she has been feeling about previous trades. After a cursory review of her journal of trades and how she was feeling when she made them, it becomes obvious she made some bad trades that she wasn’t sure about. She got burned, losing more than she was comfortable with.

In talking to me, Janice further realized that she was hesitant to tell anyone about the losing trades, because the amounts she lost were more than she was used to, and¡ª truth be told¡ªmore than she could afford. She waited two months after she had the idea to consult me before actually coming in. Janice knew she was losing more than she could afford because she had set a daily amount that she could lose and not jeopardize her capital for other trading days. So, she was feeling embarrassed and ashamed, shown by not wanting anyone, including me, to know how many losing days she had sustained. And she was scared because she had lost too much, not paying attention to her established limits.

In addition, Janice was now doubting her skills because she felt she had some knowledge of the stocks she was trading. She had done her homework. But the trades, as they are apt to do, went against her anyway and she was now feeling gun-shy. This resulted in feeling paralyzed to make any further trades.

This trader’s block was actually an alert from Janice’s voice of fear, telling her she was in danger of losing precious capital that could not be risked. Fear’s way of stopping her for a while was to paralyze her from being able to pull the trigger to execute any further trades.

The steps taken to regain a feeling of control were to respect the trader’s block rather than struggle against it. I suggested Janice go for a period of days without trading, just watching the market or staying away from it altogether. She chose a little of each. She would check in to see how the market was going but also would take long breaks away from it.

Secondly, I taught Janice a deep breathing method to help her deal with the fear response that was coming up and causing her block. I had her visualize the trading situation and being ready to execute the trade. I asked her to let the anxiety come up that had stopped her from pulling the trigger. At the same time, while feeling the anxiety, I instructed her in a deep breathing technique to help her feel in control and to gain control of her physical response as well as her thoughts. I helped her neutralize her fear thoughts by offering some things to remember to counter them with.

Next, I discussed with her the idea that for a while she would need to proceed very cautiously to regain her confidence in her trading ability.

I suggested she trade in small-share amounts only, slowly building back up her confidence by a number of good trades. She accepted this suggestion and was willing to comply with it.
Within two weeks, Janice was feeling more confident and her anxiety was under control. The breathing technique helped her face her fear. She used it whenever she began to get anxious, allowing her to go ahead and resume trading after one week. After one month of smaller trades, she had recovered the amount she had lost.

Janice made a pact with me not to try to hide her losses from me and to come back in periodically for consultation so that we could review how she was doing. In the meantime, I asked her to let me know if she had any further problems by way of e-mail. She did, in fact, e-mail me a couple of times just to let me know she was continuing to feel more in control. I tried to impress upon her how important it was not to let shame and embarrassment lead her to withdraw from facing the reality of out-of-control trading losses.

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